The Crying Marriage

Many women remember their wedding day as one of the happiest days of their life. Though a woman may shed a few tears when she kisses her new husband for the first time or when he promises to love and take care for her till death do them part, a wedding is not usually considered a tearful event. However, in some parts of China, local custom dictates that a wedding be just that.

Known as a “crying marriage,” this custom came about during ancient times in Southwest China, primarily in regions with large Tujia minority populations. According to this custom, a bride usually begins to cry a month before the day of the wedding. Each day, as night falls, she walks inside a special hall and weeps for about an hour. Ten days later, her mother joins her and ten days after that her grandmother joins in too. If the bride has sisters or aunts, they will join in as well as the wedding day draws near.

So why all the tears? Traditionally, a Tujia woman cries before (and during) her wedding to mourn the fact that she must leave her loved ones to become part of her new family. Doing so is also considered to be a show of gratitude toward her parents for raising her.

A bride’s crying is usually accompanied by the “Crying Marriage Song,” song by the bride herself and, in some cases, her sisters as well. Sung in a somewhat exaggerated fashion, this song is thought to enhance the wedding atmosphere:

Crying Marriage Song

The bird in the tree has grown up; my sister is getting married.

Once married, when will she come back home?

Let us share this night.

My sister is like a white lotus root, no man can resist her charm.

My sister has a sweet mouth, which every man wants to kiss.

My sister has a pair of deft hands, good at embroidery and weaving.

My sister is kind-hearted, respectful to both father and mother.

The Tujia people attach great importance to the “crying marriage,” so much so that often times how a woman cries during this time wields a great deal of influence over her identity and reputation. A woman who does not cry is often looked down upon by the people of her village.